After a very rough morning with Jordan, I was so pleased to be able to take a 45 minute walk all by myself in the woods. The silence was blissful and it really helped me to regroup for the day. We have some amazing trails literally across the street from our house and they go on and on for acres. It feels like you are far away and in another place, but you are really just in the woods across the street. I am so glad I did it, because I was in a foul mood and I feared the day would be ruined.
I have Thursdays off and the kids are at daycare, but I find that there is SO much to do that I often feel overwhelmed and even put upon. I usually do dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, and take the trash to the dump. The day goes by way too fast and sometimes I don't even feel like I got much done. I always want to get enough done that Penny feels like I contributed, but I also try to take some time for myself (which Penny supports). We really try to give each other "me time," either away from home or for a few hours on the weekends, but it literally never seems like enough.
I just think that 2.5 years of sleep deprivation and just everything that is involved with parenting twins has really taken a toll on us. So even a weekend away does not seem like enough. And then of course I feel guilty for craving more time away from everyone.
Jordan has been very challenging lately with epic tantrums that make me want to tear my hair out. The screaming drives me bonkers and he often prefers Penny, so even when I go to him to try to comfort him (when that seems appropriate and necessary), he pushes me away and says he wants Mommy. I am usually not good enough for much when it comes to Jordan's needs when he is upset. This is tough and makes me want to withdraw. We usually just let him do his thing if he can do it safely, i.e. at home on the floor or in his crib. God forbid we are out and about when this happens, as it is a fit of epic proportions and then we have to try to buckle him in to his car seat. OMG, what a fiasco!
People I know with older kids say that 3 year-olds are worse than 2 year-olds. If that's true, then I want to start going backwards, rather than forwards. Where do I sign up for that? Some days I really want my snuggly babies back!
But, deep breath in, deep breath out. One day at a time. Thank god for walks in the woods and the support of Penny, friends, and family.
Things I am thankful for today:
1) Walks in the woods.
2) Feeling good off of sugar and on the South Beach Diet. Down 9 pounds so far!
3) Having the luxury of a day at home alone to get chores done so that my family can have more fun together on the weekends.